Things to Know When Driving in Texas

Post your good jokes here!!
User avatar
Posts: 14264
Joined: Tue Sep 27, 2011 1:10 pm
Location: Abilene Texas
Status: Offline

Things to Know When Driving in Texas

Postby Razorback » Sun Dec 25, 2011 11:57 am

Things to Know When Driving in Texas

* If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

* When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting in the way of any cross-traffic.

* Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Texas has its own version of traffic rules ... hold on and pray.

* There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Texas. We all drive like that.

* All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610" ... which has no beginning and no end.

* The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "Scenic Drive."

* The morning rush hour is from 6:00 AM to 10:00 AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

* If someone actually has their turn signal on, it's probably a factory defect.

* All old ladies with blue hair in pink Cadillacs have total right-of-way.

* The minimum acceptable speed on any "Loop" is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

* Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

* If you are in the left lane and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.

* When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Mexico.

* You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Texas residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built.

You know you're from Texas if:

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C", or vice-versa in the same day.

3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I'm fixing to go to the store. (Note: as in the portion above "fix-in-to" is one word...)

6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. The lights are for seeing what or who is in your yard!

8. You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.

9. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

10. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

11. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and briefs.

12. The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require six pages for local gossip and sports.

13. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

14. You find 100 degrees F "a little warm."

15. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

16. You know whether another Texan is from east, west, north or south Texas as soon as they open their mouth.

17. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin' Wal-Martin'" or "off to Wally-World."

18. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.

19. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.

Return to “The Outhouse (clean jokes only)”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest