Things to Know When Driving in Texas
* If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
* When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting in the way of any cross-traffic.
* Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Texas has its own version of traffic rules ... hold on and pray.
* There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Texas. We all drive like that.
* All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610" ... which has no beginning and no end.
* The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "Scenic Drive."
* The morning rush hour is from 6:00 AM to 10:00 AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
* If someone actually has their turn signal on, it's probably a factory defect.
* All old ladies with blue hair in pink Cadillacs have total right-of-way.
* The minimum acceptable speed on any "Loop" is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
* Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
* If you are in the left lane and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.
* When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Mexico.
* You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Texas residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built.